Homeland Adopted Land College Years Home of the Free Paradise on Earth
U.S.A

THE SPORT OF CHOICE ...

for the urban poor is BASKETBALL

for maintenance level employees is BOWLING

for front-line workers is FOOTBAL

for supervisors is BASEBALL

for middle management is TENNIS

for corporate officers is GOLF

Conclusion:

The higher the corporate structure,
the smaller your balls.

NEW DICTIONARY ENTRIES

 

Bozone

The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Intaxication

Euphoria at getting a tax refund, lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation

Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Cashtration

The act of buying a house, rendering the subject financially impotent.

Sarchasm

The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte

To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis

Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis

A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon

It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?
And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon

The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only
things that are good for you.

Hysterectomy

An operation to try to cure hysteria.

Dopeler effect

The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

IGNORANUS

A person who's both stupid and an asshole

The NO-C.A.R.B. Diet for 2004 !

 

NO A-shcroft

NO B-ush

 

But be careful not to KERRY any remorse!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE LIVING IN 2004 WHEN ...

1.You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2.You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3.You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4.You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5.You don't stay in touch with friends who don't have e-mail addresses.
6.You go home after a day at work and answer the phone in a business manner.
7.You make phone calls from home and dial "9" to get an outside line.
8.You've sat at the same desk 4 years and worked for 3 different companies.
10.You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11.Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12.Contractors outnumber permanent staff and get long-service awards.

AND THE REAL CLINCHERS ARE...

13.You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
14.As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends."
15.This email came from a friend that never talks to you, only sends e-jokes.
16.You are too busy to notice there was no #9
17. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9
18. AND NOW U R LAUGHING at your self.
19.Finally, you forward this to your friends
 

Reserved for new jokes